The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
