So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
