We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Randomize
