i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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