the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
