On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Randomize
