Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
