Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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