Capitaan dildo arrescate!
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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