I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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