bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I just want to make out with him forever
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
