just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
