i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
