and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Randomize
