I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
My bed smells like the plague
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
do nipples grow back?
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