im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
