They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
