I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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