going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
