Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
