True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
