You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Randomize
