I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
