this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
