Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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