the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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