Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
