He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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