Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
