Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
