cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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