You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
