I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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