I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
