Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
