4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
high people should be assigned attendants
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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