im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Also, beer. Big fan.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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