My Higher Power is John Stamos
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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