But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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