he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
