Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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