Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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