don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
