omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Little spoons don't ask big questions
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
