is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
