Where did you get a picture of my penis
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
