My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
