I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
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