some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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