I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
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